Sexual problems can be tough to talk about, especially for men. Many avoid telling friends, partners, or professionals, which means the anxiety, embarrassment, and shame often build until the issue starts affecting mental health and relationships.
Over the last decade, with high-speed internet and unlimited access to online porn, more men and adolescents have begun experiencing sexual difficulties. The most common problems? Struggling to get or maintain an erection or being unable to climax with a partner. Some men self-medicate with over-the-counter drugs like Viagra Connect, which may help with erections, but often don’t fix the deeper issue: climaxing and connection during real-life sex.
In both NHS and private practice, I’m seeing more men of all ages reporting compulsive or addictive patterns around porn and masturbation. And there’s a reason porn can have such a strong effect on sexual functioning.
Why porn can interfere with sex
For many men, porn use started early, sometimes as young as 9 or 10. Unlike previous generations who had to find a magazine or stumble across a “stash in a hedge,” today’s teens have constant, private access through phones and laptops.
A 2016 study of almost 1,500 final-year high school students found:
- 78% watched online porn
- 59% of boys found it highly stimulating
- 22% described their porn use as habitual
- 10% said it reduced their interest in real partners
- 19% reported abnormal sexual responses in real-life sex
- Among regular users, that number rose to 25%
Porn offers intense visual novelty and stimulation, far more than a real encounter. Over time, the brain starts expecting that level of intensity. When a man finally has a real partner, the visual and physical stimulation may feel “not enough” to maintain arousal.
Frequent porn-based masturbation also conditions the body to respond to a very specific type of fast, tight stimulation, something no partner can replicate. When erections falter during real sex, performance anxiety often follows.
What is performance anxiety?
When someone fears “failing” during sex, the brain interprets the situation as a threat. The amygdala triggers a flood of adrenaline, sending the body into fight-or-flight mode. Blood flows to the arms and legs—and away from the digestive system and the genitals.
The result? A loss of erection even if the person is mentally turned on.
Porn doesn’t cause performance anxiety on its own, but it frequently plays a part. Men can then find themselves stuck with both compulsive behaviour and the anxiety that developed after sexual difficulties began.
When does sexual behaviour become a problem?
We already accept health warnings for cigarettes, alcohol, sugar, gambling, and drugs. Pornography, too, can impact well-being, affecting sexual function, self-esteem, body image, relationship expectations, and attitudes toward women.
Excessive porn use can alter the brain’s reward system. With endless novelty just one click away, users may escalate to more extreme material and, in some cases, drift into illegal content, sometimes without conscious intention.
Porn isn’t the only behaviour that can become addictive. Others include:
- Sexting
- Webcamming
- Using sex workers
- Chemsex
- Serial affairs or hookups
A behaviour becomes a problem when it harms your:
- Relationships
- Family life
- Finances
- Work
And it’s considered compulsive or addictive if you’ve tried to stop but can’t.
Sometimes these behaviours grow out of opportunity and accessibility. Sometimes they’re a way of coping with painful past experiences.
If you’re worried, you’re not alone, and help is available
If anything you’ve read sounds familiar, specialist support can make a huge difference.
Emma Mathews Psychotherapy provides confidential treatment for:
- Sexual difficulties
- Porn or sex addiction
- Underlying trauma
- Support for partners of those struggling with addiction
Therapy focuses on helping you stop harmful behaviours and build a healthier, more fulfilling life…emotionally, sexually, and relationally.
