Having a baby can be joyful and exciting, but it can also be overwhelming. Many women experience emotional difficulties during pregnancy and after birth. Your body is changing, your routines shift overnight, and life suddenly feels very different. These challenges can naturally affect your mood and energy levels.
Below is a clear guide to what’s normal, what might signal postnatal depression or anxiety, and what you can do to get support.
Baby blues: common and temporary
Most women, around 85%, experience the baby blues in the first few days after giving birth. This is not postnatal depression.
You might notice:
- feeling emotional or tearful
- crying without a clear reason
- irritability
- exhaustion
- mild anxiety
This usually settles on its own within a few days and is mainly due to rapid hormonal changes. It’s a normal part of early motherhood.
Postnatal depression: more than the baby blues
Around 10–15% of women develop postnatal depression. This can happen anytime in the first year. Symptoms may include:
- persistent sadness or tearfulness
- feeling guilty, worthless, or overwhelmed
- loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
- irritability or anger
- anxiety or constant worry
- feeling disconnected from your baby
While caring for a newborn is wonderful, it’s also physically and emotionally demanding. Lack of sleep, major hormonal shifts, relationship changes, and reduced social support can make everything feel harder. Even simple outings, like meeting a friend or popping to the shops can feel like military missions with the amount of planning required. You are not alone, and you are not failing.
Social pressure & the myth of the ‘perfect mum’
Modern motherhood comes with huge pressure. We see celebrities posing with glowing skin, tidy homes, and smiling babies just days after giving birth. Then we scroll through social media and see friends appearing to “have it all together.” But these images rarely reflect real life. If your birth didn’t go to plan, if breastfeeding is difficult, or if you’re struggling more than you expected, it does not mean you’ve failed. Parenting is hard, full stop. Everyone’s journey is different.
What can help?
1. Talk to someone you trust
Share how you feel with your partner, a close friend or family member, your midwife or health visitor, your GP. You don’t need to pretend everything is fine.
2. Let go of being ‘perfect’
Your house doesn’t need to be spotless. Your meals don’t have to be homemade. “Good enough” really is good enough especially now.
3. Avoid isolating yourself
Try to stay connected. Join baby groups, mum meetups, or support groups, your health visitor can point you in the right direction. Knowing you’re not alone can be incredibly comforting.
4. Accept practical help
If someone offers to cook for you, hold the baby while you nap, clean up…say yes. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s what new mums deserve.
5. Rest whenever you can
Sleep when your baby sleeps. Don’t use all your energy to “catch up on chores.” Rest is part of your recovery too.
6. Eat well & move gently
Nutritious meals and gentle activity, like walking, can boost your mood. This is about wellbeing, not “getting your body back.”
Changing behaviour to improve mood
When you’re depressed, motivation drops and you may end up doing very little, which can make your mood even worse.
Try using a weekly planner, schedule a mix of activities, something social, something active, and something restful and just for you. After each activity, note whether it gave you a sense of enjoyment, a sense of achievement, a feeling of connection. These three areas are essential for improving mood.
Challenging negative thoughts
Depression often brings harsh, negative automatic thoughts. Using the ABC technique can help:
- A — Activating event: What happened?
- B — Beliefs: What thoughts did you have?
- C — Consequences: How did you feel or react?
Then challenge those thoughts. Imagine you’re a lawyer in court, collecting evidence against the negative belief. What would the more balanced, realistic perspective be? If a friend was having these types of negative thoughts, what would you say to them? Would you be so harsh, or would your words and tone be kinder?
Managing anxiety and ‘what if…?’ thoughts
Anxiety loves to start with “What if…?” These thoughts quickly snowball into worst-case scenarios. When a “what if” thought appears, try to pause and ask yourself – is this a real, solvable problem, or just a hypothetical worry? If it’s hypothetical, then drop it.
If it’s real a real situation, list practical solutions, take action, if possible, then shift your focus. Worrying itself doesn’t solve problems, action does.
When to consider psychotherapy
Talking to a psychotherapist can be incredibly helpful. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is especially effective for postnatal depression and anxiety. It helps you understand how your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and behaviours all influence each other, and teaches you strategies to break unhelpful cycles.
Remember above all else…
You are a new mum, not superwoman. Your body has done something extraordinary.
You are adjusting, learning, and doing your best, and your best is enough. You deserve support, compassion, and rest. If you are struggling, reach out. Help is available, and things can get better.
